Lately I have been feeling a pressing in my spirit to talk about certain subject matters that I believe the church as a whole fails to address. Over time some of the topics I will write about are adult in content so reader discretion is advised.
As a single woman, I have observed there is a common misconception among men (married and single) that just because I am a single Christian woman that somehow translates into me being available for either overt or subtle advances. Quite the contrary.
I have received unsolicited help and attention in ways of which it was borderline inappropriate, being invited to lunch or men wanting to indulge in conversations just so I would pay attention to them. To the casual reader, you would probably say “Lady Dunamis, you need to get over yourself. I am sure it was just harmless and they didn’t mean anything by it.” Well my friend that is where we disagree. For the Christian, we are exhorted to shun the appearance of evil and unfortunately, many of us stumble and fall because we fail to recognize evil always comes wrapped in a beautiful box with a pretty bow.
There are many single Christian woman looking for companionship and because the male to female ratio is pretty slim, it can seem to be quite flattering when a man comes along and shows some attention.
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s mind our manners.
Single ladies, it is never acceptable to engage in conversations or be in positions that will compromise your integrity and cause your name to be slandered. Just because a man is married, single or in a relationship, doesn’t mean he will respect you for your Christian walk and leave you alone. Some men tend to conveniently “forget” they are married or spoken for, and will make you the object of his affection be it in the work place, church, or anywhere else. Others are experiencing marital problems, financial troubles, or yearn for the days of yesteryear when they were virile and free. Be it he is experiencing a midlife or identity crisis, feel free to be stern and even borderline nasty if you have to, in order to clearly communicate that you are not interested in his attention. That is why he has a wife (girlfriend). Do not allow yourself to be used as friendly distraction because he lacks the ability and maturity to manage his life. That has nothing to do with you, but everything that is going on inside of him.
Never make the mistake that this kind of man genuinely likes and/or wants you. He doesn’t. He wants something from you and when he gets it, he will discard you like a piece of trash because he has conquered you. On the other hand, if he fails to achieve his goal, he will get angry and in his utter stupidity reveal his personal agenda he had for you. Trust me, I know because when things didn’t go a certain person’s way, he “slipped” and revealed his plans for me. Ladies, this is why you need to always pray so the Lord can reveal your true enemy and make him stumble and fall. Will he attempt to make you look like the evil person to other people? Yes, he will and if they believe it it’s because they want to believe something evil about you, but that is okay. Weak people always need a support system when they are in the wrong. Be careful and be on guard!
Most men, will get the message and move on. Others will see you are not interested and be in total denial because they see your lack of interest as rejection. That’s their problem not yours and their burden is not your cross to bear. If they persist to operate undercover and continue to try to get your attention, one of two things might happen. Either you will have to boldly tell them to hit the bricks or they will be exposed, publicly embarrassed and never bother you again.
Married men, if you think it a fleeting crush or a harmless advance, you would be wise to know your place in Jesus’ name. There is nothing innocent about leading on a single woman and indulging her feelings all because you have an insatiable lust to stroke your ego among other things. By not respecting her boundaries, you are crossing the line. You disrespect your God, yourself, your wife and your family. Remember, even lusting after another woman is adultery. Never treat other women the same way you would treat your wife. You made a vow to the Lord now honor it.
If you are a single man in a hot lustful pursuit, take an ice cold shower and call on the name of the Lord. You are held to the same standard as she is to treat your body as the temple of the Holy Spirit and beware to not defile your temple by committing fornication. There is more to your life than expressing your sexual prowess and putting a notch on your belt. Remember, that notch you are trying to add is someone’s daughter, most importantly, she is God’s daughter. As for those of you who are dating someone, I wouldn’t say treat your significant other like she is a wife because she is not. I implore you to treat her the way you would want to be treated. Men do not forgive easily, if at all, if the woman cheats, but how do you think she would feel if she caught you pursuing another woman? There are plenty of men who mishandle women, so let’s not make your significant other another statistic.
Gentlemen, are there women who give out mixed signals? Absolutely. But just because she puts it out there doesn’t mean you have to fetch the bone. What you should do is tell them how beautiful and amazing your wife (girlfriend) is and how repulsive and disgusting she looks for making an advance towards you. Trust me that will shut a slut down every time.
Ladies and gentleman, let us mind our manners because the Lord God is watching and we will give an account for every deed we have done in these bodies at the Bema seat.